Tuesday, 21 July 2015

i am making no effort to fall asleep

Yay for un-edited photos! (Don't hate me).

It's currently 2:37 am and I'm awake and listening to 'How Will I Know' by Whitney Houston and 'He Can Only Hold Her' by Amy Winehouse on repeat while reading my leavers book. For those of you who are unaware of this high school leavers ritual, it is basically a notebook filled with messages from people who have attended the same high school as me for the past five years, as well as many embarrassing pre-pubescent photos (if I wasn't too lazy to print them).

Despite the fact it has been only a matter of weeks since I was sitting in lessons with the people who have scrawled "deffo gonna keep in touch!!!" on lined paper,  I already feel like there is a void between us. High school has ended and it is no longer necessary to force small talk or even friendships with the people we grew up with. I'm not even sad really, just alarmed at my sudden realisation that the inside jokes are dead and there are some people who I said goodbye to on prom and will never see again. 

Reading the handwritten confessions of my high school friends has left me feeling so nostalgic for a period of my life that has only just ended. I'm so surprised that I actually miss my high school education, due to the fact I swore to hate every moment while I was there. I think the past always seems better than it really was, because we look back at it with the romanticised view of all the songs we loved and the things that made us smile, rather than the boredom and frustration and pain. 

I should be asleep and my mind is confused, but what I'm trying to say is although I absolutely do not wish to go back to high school, there are some things that will cause a notable absence in my life. Like cold science labs on Monday mornings where sleep deprived teenagers complain about the temperature while trading minty flavoured bubblegum. Getting in trouble for talking too loudly in R.E and finding the punishment of a negative tick hilarious. Pulling grass from the school field in the summer while listening to bad music through partially broken speakers. Oh my god I could write about stupid little details all day but I must stop myself because I need to sleep.

I really miss the smell of red hair dye and cheap perfume. Where have the days gone??????????


  1. I totally feel all of this... But trust me, after a year of college, you've forgotten all about it. My old friends are still present, just not as often and I've found someone to love and now I feel even happier. I know you'll get through it bc everyone does, and I'm glad you know you don't have to go back to that time to be happy or have a good time. Congrats on making it!!

    I went through your blog and I absolutely love the way you write. You've inspired me to turn my blog around a bit and really add in more personality :)


    1. Thank you so much, you have no idea how reassuring it is to hear that from somebody with experience!
      Wow you don't even know how much it means to me to know I have inspired you, I can't wait to see your posts!