Saturday, 7 March 2015

life through windows

Within the next year, my life is going to change a lot. My surroundings will change in almost every way, although I'll still live in the same place, I won't see the same people every day. Lately everything has been a blur of countdowns. '5 lessons until your exam! Three months until you leave!', and it's stressing me out. For five years I've drifted along in a blur of ignorance, unable to imagine life outside of high school. I never thought I would leave, but the inevitable is drawing closer and now all I can think is that I wish I hadn't taken it for granted. This has been playing on my mind a lot lately.

Last night at 2am, somehow I found myself on a youtube video of Oprah's 'Aha!' moments. (Don't ask how I even got myself there). Anyway, I learnt something very valuable from that youtube video. At 2 in the morning while the rest of my family were asleep, I sat in my bedroom re-playing a moment that happened years ago, and felt everything almost click into place.

"Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could be any different".
For so long I have tortured myself over intricate details that I thought had ruined everything, when in reality, I don't know that it did. How do I know things wouldn't have self destructed anyway? I must remind myself to let things go rather than constantly holding onto them.

Along with a life lesson, last night I also came across some photos that had been lost within laptop files, each one taken through some kind of window. To maintain tradition of my blog and be unreasonably deep: I hope that I stop living life looking through windows this year, and actually live..

4 comments:

  1. I leave this year too and I totally get what you mean about not really acknowledging life once school is over, it's a total question mark to me. If you ever want to get in contact and we can freak out about life together, my blog is www.stripeyjane.blogspot.com I hope everything goes okay xxxx

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    1. Ah it's so scary isn't it? I really hope everything goes well for you!
      Thank's so much and I'm about to check out your blog now :) xxx

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  2. This post reminded me of how I felt when I was 16. Leaving school is a bizarre step because school is such a big part of our lives and marks how we divide up our year so leaving seems like your being thrown out into a world that you only see out of school hours. Strangely, things really do change when you leave but in a way that is hard to pinpoint and also totally manageable. For me, the strangest thing was the freedom that leaving school gives you. Suddenly you out in the world during what was school time (mine was 9-3pm but not sure if you're is the same) and it feels like you shouldn't be there, like you are doing something you shouldn't, but that feeling quickly goes. The reality is, you move from one thing to the next in life and just kinda deal with it haha. I went to college, did a gap year where I travelled and then got back and had no idea what to do with myself so I ended up going to uni. I finish my degree in May and what lies after that is really scary but I know that I will work it out when the time comes and you'll do the same after school. I think it's good to try and live in and focus on the present because the future is always daunting cause you have no idea what is ahead. This probably isn't helpful is anyway, I just wanted to share with you that no matter how much older you get, these steps always feel quite terrifying but you kinda learn to deal with it!

    Excited to find out what you decide to do :) have you got any ideas?

    Hailes<3

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    1. Thank you for your comment, seriously, it reassured me so much that somebody else has felt like this before.
      I'm going to a sixth form away from all my friends, which is kind of scary but kind of exciting at the same time!
      Good luck for the rest of your time at uni, and for everything that happens in your life after that. I truly hope that you find your way and I'm sure you will.
      Your comment was so helpful! Thank you so much and I will keep up with your blog to see where you go from here :)
      Thanks again!
      <3

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