Friday, 12 December 2014

end of all things

Do you ever hear a song, and suddenly it's as if every fibre of your body has been replaced with something different? It might be the hottest day of the year, and the sunlight may be falling onto your skin as you attempt to ignore the sound of an ice cream van, but pressing play on a particular song will transport you into a January snow storm. I can't even explain the power that music has over my emotions. If you play 'Save it for the bedroom' by You Me At Six, somewhere inside I'll feel the same way I did in year 6, sitting in my friends living room and watching Kerrang! TV for hours. Whenever My Chemical Romance come on, it's as if I'm once again a pre-teen wearing ripped skinny jeans and screaming my heart out in Manchester Arena, as Gerard Way sings the words back to me and I pray to be noticed by him. There's a kind of energy bestowed in a melody that means so much more than a place in the Top 40 chart.

The reason I have been pondering this lately, is because I re-discovered an album I forgot about. For some reason the last song caught my attention, and I played it on repeat for the rest of the night. It makes me think of looking through frosted windows and being able to see my breath against the darkness. It's like I can smell fried doughnuts in the cold, fun fair air and I'm back in a crowded cinema, giggling to Breaking Dawn. Strangely, the song hadn't even been released at the time, yet it makes me think of those days. 

Although time travel is currently unrealistic, music provides something so close. It gives you the same feeling you get when you walk past a stranger wearing the same perfume your best friend used to wear in high school, and suddenly all the memories of teenage summers and tears come flooding back. It's like you've opened a door to another version of yourself, and for a moment your body is full of the same butterflies and happiness you had at the time.

There are songs that I remember playing through my smashed iPod, under the covers at 3am, or on the bus as I attempt to ignore screaming year 7's and try to contain the excitement from feeling as if the lyrics were written for me. Even auto-tuned, tremendously bad pop music that I swear to hate makes think of being crammed in my bedroom with my best friends, pretending to be adults while getting ready for a 13th birthday party; the radio playing in the background of our laughter. I feel oddly protective of tragic 2009 club anthems I remember being sent via Bluetooth on my pink Samsung phone in primary school. There are songs that make me miss staying out too late and walking home in the dark.

Although hearing 'Let It Go' now makes me want to hit my head against a wall, it makes me feel weirldy content that in 10 years, a child who is currently 5 will hear it and think of the innocence of being so young. It's this generations 'Hakuna Matata' or whatever Disney song you grew up screeching. Music is the one constant in most of our lives, it is what moulded you into who you are today. When I leave high school in a few months, I'm going to listen to the High School Musical sound track and reflect on how different those films were to my actual experience, and how cheated I felt on my first day almost 5 years ago.

Maybe one day I'll be an adults, and my current favourite song will come on, on one of those bad radio stations for adults re living their youth. Maybe I'll be reminded of minty bubblegum, long walks home and laughing in freezing classrooms with my friends. Or maybe I'll immediately think of exam stress, feeling left out and missing the bus. I hope I have more happy memories to look back on than sad ones.


  1. Oh my gosh this post is so beautiful! These aren't even any of my memories but I ended up smiling whilst reading it aha! Favourite line: 'Although time travel is currently unrealistic, music provides something so close' - gave me goosbumps! It's so true, music is much more powerful than people think - great post lovely!
    -Nabeela xo

    1. Oh my gosh thank you so much! You seriously made me smile with that comment and I'm so glad you enjoyed the post <3

  2. Laura, as with all your writing, you have a certain way of conveying feelings that I'm sure a lot of us regularly experience but have absolutely no clue how as to share them. For me, this post is utterly perfect! The anecdotes are so brilliantly vivid, and yet I can't help but be transported to my own little realm whilst reading them, primarily due to the complete accuracy. The bit about sending music via Bluetooth and Samsung mobiles -- 100% on point!

    1. Thank you so so so much! That is so kind of you and I don't think you understand how much it means to me for you to say these things. I can't thank you enough for taking the time to write this comment :) <3