Thursday, 29 May 2014

oh I will become what I deserve

During this week off school, I imagine that most students are revising to ensure that they achieve the best possible grade that they can. I, however, have spent every single day in the cycle of 'wake up at 2, eat, read blogs, watch movies, fall asleep at 3am'. The lack of productivity is sure to have an impact on my exams, and you'd think that with less than a week to go until my first one I would have some ambition to revise. But no. You may have read my last post in which I was claiming that I was feeling determined.. I am no longer in that mindset. The problem that I seem to share with most people in the world is that procrastination rules my life. In all honestly, I really can't be bothered to open my Science textbook and read about whatever it was I should have learnt when I was day dreaming in lesson. My biggest weakness is that I just don't care.

So, instead of making a start at revising, I went shopping. Maybe it was just the bad weather, but today even retail therapy couldn't distract my mind from thinking 'you should be doing work.. you go back to school on Monday!'. This was all soon fixed with Wagamamas though (I think noodles have the power to heal anything.. but don't quote me on that). It felt kind of strange sitting in a restaurant with my friend today, which I found surprising because this is our usual weekend routine. It just felt very grown up and I kept thinking about how much I'd changed without realising in the past few years, and I wondered how much I was going to change in the next few. Anyway, enough with the depressing thoughts: the food was good.

After an awkward train ride home in which my friend and I were the only people on a packed train who were talking, we had to walk through a field to get back to my house. I'm not a very outdoors-y person, and I despise any kind of physical activity, so walking home through mud and pools of water after the recent downpours was not my kind of fun. However, having a long conversation with my friend was distracting enough and I managed to get through without complaining (or breaking my leg).
I am currently back in the vicinity of central heating and the thought of ever facing the outside world is making me shiver. I hope you're all being more productive than I am and that the weather is better for you. For some reason my brain wants me to type 'Happy Birthday' so um.. if it's your birthday that's for you... Goodbye. By the way, it's common knowledge that I am a terrible photographer, but I'm pretty proud of these ones, I'd love to hear your thoughts!

Sunday, 11 May 2014

exam stress, blogging and determination

Like many teenage bloggers recently, I've had to push my blog to the back of my mind what with the sudden buzz and stress of upcoming exams. This year I have 4 real GCSE exams and 3 mocks which although doesn't sound like a lot, it feels like the end of the world. All through high school I've been reminded that this day was inevitable and no matter how much I chose to avoid it, it would come. Guess what? My teachers were right, all the moments of daydreaming and doodling in the corner of the page while I was supposed to be making notes has resulted in a huge amount of stress and regret from me. 

I've suddenly become really excited to leave high school, and the majority of the time I should be revising is spent searching local college courses and seeing how far away from my town I can get without paying extortionate amounts for train fare. Growing up has now become an obsession in a strange way, I can't wait to just get on with my life and leave behind high school (which I can honestly say is my least favourite place in the world). Along with this new attitude I've developed a weird determination to work hard, although every time I say this it fails miserably the next day..

I really want to try and succeed but my laziness and constant procrastination pulls me back, which is something I can obviously only blame on myself. Since starting a blog I've realised that I often get caught up in blogging and everything surrounding it, including twitter, emails and of course reading other blogs. Although I do love it, it can be incredibly distracting when I really should be revising or doing coursework which is why I'm going to have to abandon this little space of the internet for a while.

Hopefully the next time I post I'll be able to say that I've done something productive with my time like, for example, finding a Saturday job (I need money but I'm too shy to walk in and ask!). Are you currently doing exams? How are you surviving? I really need some tips and assurance that I'm not the only lazy one..