Tuesday, 3 December 2013

those symphonies of better days

I apologise for the terrible picture, taking blog photos at half 10 isn't one of my best ideas but I've recently gotten into the habit of falling asleep when I get home and then spending the rest of my night frantically trying to do 14 things at once. I was trying to cut down on the emotional 'reflective' blog posts, but today I really felt like writing one, after all the reason I started this blog was to record my thoughts and feelings so I can look back on them one day. 
The (bad) photo I used will mean nothing to anybody else, but to me it's the simplest way of representing two people who were once very special to me. Both objects in the picture are linked to a different person, and although tiny they seem filled with memories. As I was writing this I realised that neither of them came into my possession at good times in my life, in fact it was probably the worst. One thing that bothers me about people is that when you mention a low point in your life, they automatically assume that you're being 'attention seeking', and I have to say that's exactly the opposite of what I want. I hate having sympathy from people because I really don't deserve it. Something that seemed like a terrible time to me wouldn't even be classed as bad for another person. But at the same time, we all have different lives and different things can hurt us. My point is that just because someone in the world has it worse than you, doesn't mean that you can't be sad. Our lives are filled with both happy and sad moments and there is beauty in each of those. I honestly think that because I've felt truly unhappy this year, I've learnt to appreciate little moments like laughing with my friends or having a pointless conversation with my sister. If you get anything from this tired, rambly blog post, I want you to go out and make the most of the happy times. Hug your friend or laugh at a joke until it's not funny anymore. Make silly little memories that you forget and then take you by surprise a year later when they come back into your mind, and you find yourself giggling on a bus surrounded my strangers.
Neither of the people that this blog post was 'inspired' by are in my life anymore, both for very different reasons. I know that everything happens for a reason but I can't help wishing that things could stay the same sometimes. The reason I wanted to write this was because today I was walking home when I realised that everything seemed okay again. In fact it felt more than okay, I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders and I felt free to smile and laugh and live my life without waiting for something to bring me down again. I'm not saying that I'm instantly fine and everything's perfect. Occasionally I'm going to remember something I thought I'd forgotten, and it's going to make me sad because my life isn't like that anymore. But, I'll still remember that it's not going to be that way ever again and I'm a better person without putting myself through anymore sadness.
This was the most random blog post I've ever written, it wasn't planned and I haven't deleted anything. I've just sat down and typed everything that came into my mind. This is the kind of post I'll want to look back on.
I hope you're having an amazing HAPPY week!
Love, Laura

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